I Thought We Had a Deal!

Sevim & Ergun Tok in Istanbul, 1963.  I am in there, too! I hadn't made my debut, yet.

I thought we had a deal!

We just got home after a long flight from Hawaii.  Tired, and happy to be reunited with my cats, I go into the living room.  

Patrick is upstairs watching football.

I notice the rocks, feathers, sand, etc I brought back from Hawaii are glowing on the coffee table.  Yes, I can see the energy flying out of them.  I blink several times, and there is no denying the energy of Hawaii is on my coffee table.  

I look at Zulu to see if she notices the flying energy (yeah, I get validation from my cats) and I see her aura.  I have seen my cats’ auras many times, but this time their colors are more visible to me than before.  

I realize I can see the energy in the room better than ever.  It looks like rain.  

All my senses are heightened and amplified.  

Then, my attention goes to the sound in my ears.  It is so loud.  And layered. I try to pick out each layer, or track.  There are many tracks of sound.  One sounds just like crickets at night.  I think, Oh, that is why we like the sound of crickets chirping at night.  It is a replica of a sound around us.  We know this sound and hear it all the time.

In this very heightened state, all of a sudden, a vertical light about 5 ft high and only a couple of inches thick appears right in front of me.

Bright white.  

I somehow know I am looking at the edge of an energy plane.

Then, it moves right through me.  

It feels like it slices through me.  

At that moment, I feel an energetic shift in my body accompanied by a visual shift.  

For a couple of seconds, the floors don’t match up with the walls – like the house is shifting in an earthquake.

Out loud, I exclaim, “What the hell?!”

And then he appears right in front of me.  

A large, swirling, dynamic blue light.  

He is a beautiful blue and keeps revolving and twirling.

“Baba?!” I loudly ask.
I hear in my head, “Evet.” (yes in Turkish)
“Are you okay?” I telepathically wonder.
“Harika!” (fantastic in Turkish)

the rest is translated from Turkish

“You are right! There IS something after death!”
“Okay.” All that comes to my mind is my sister, “Can you help Sema? She is having a hard time.”
“Don’t worry,” Baba assures me.
“Are you sure you are okay?”
“I am fantastic! It is fantastic! Everything is fantastic!” (in his earthly life, I have never heard my father speak like this)
Baba continues….”I came to help you.  I want to be your partner.  I want to tell you things.”
“For instance, sound.  When you walk into a room, I know you can feel the energy and you can see the energy.  I am asking you to consider focusing on the sound of the energy.  Just like you can feel and see what is in a room, I ask you to consider hearing a room.”

And with that, he leaves and I stand up, simultaneously.

I walk upstairs, sit on the couch next to Patrick and say, “It doesn’t matter what you think of this or what you think of me, but I have to tell you what just happened.”

By now, Patrick knows anything strange is possible, living with me.

“Okay………” he turns down the volume and looks right at me.

“I just talked with Baba in the living room.”

“Oh…….” he says quietly and listens.

There is absolutely no doubt that was my father. He gave me a gift.  

He gave me the peace of knowing he is still alive and available.

The next day I call my mother, “I saw Baba last night,” I say matter of factly.

“Me, too,” she says, “in my dream!  He appeared as a blue light and even though I couldn’t see him clearly, I knew the light was associated with him, some how.”

Blue light validation!

My father and I had a deal: if there IS an afterlife, he would visit me and make sure I heard him.

I was in Hawaii when I was told Baba is dying.  My sister said he was ready to die.  

“I am not going home from this hospital,” my father informed my mother.  She insisted he was, he adamantly told her he was not. 

Baba had a lot of control in his death.  He got to say his I love you’s, tie up loose-ends, discuss his life, and declare the end of his adventure.

My father suffered with emphysema for 16 years.  His doctor gave him 2 to 3 years to live.  My dad was tough. He had a tough mind. A tough body. And a tough determination.  Plus, my mom took extraordinary care of him.  

He spent his last years writing.  He loved to write.  

He finished his theory of gravity and astrophysics (he started it when he was a boy).  

His wish was to have it available on the internet.  

So, together we worked on this,

I helped him knowing, full well, he was checking off his final list.   

So, for 16 years we wondered is this our last Christmas? is it his last birthday? his last winter storm? my last kiss on his cheek? 

He was a genius.  He was brave. He was an explorer.  He was funny. He was a character.  He was loving.  

His grand sons played chess with him.  

I am grateful he put up with me for 53 years.  I am grateful I was born through him, with his blood and his energy.

I had a clean slate with my dad.  

I told him everything I could possibly think I wanted to tell him.

Our last conversation, via phone, was in his hospital room, having been admitted the night before.

“Sever! Hello! Where are you?”

“In Hawaii!”

“That’s wonderful.”

After telling me he is fine, the nurse came in.

“The nurse is here. I have to go.”

“Okay. I love you, Baba.”

“I love you, too.”

We never spoke again

Until the other night. 

I do not feel like my father is gone.

I feel closer to him than I ever have.  It is the most superb feeling, I cannot even tell you.  

For 4 nights after he died, I waited for his visit.

I went to sleep hoping he would be in my dreams.  Upon awakening in the middle of the night, I opened my eyes, wanting to see his glowing body at the foot of my hotel bed. 

C’mon, Baba! Where are you?! He came at the perfect moment.  When I was home, relaxed, with my cats and Patrick. 

Baba has part of his consciousness still with us and he is quite interactive.  

I have to say, I do feel bigger, and more courageous, and safer than ever before.  Like I have a power-house by my side.

For those of us who have lost a dear one, we have a choice.  

We can get lost in the self-pity, in the perceived finality, and in the emotional upheaval.  

Or we can choose to actively engage in the beauty of life, nurture the new multi-dimensional relationship, and continue to find joy.  

Our dead loved one is closer and more alive than we may think.  

this experience is in the Sept 2016 edition of the planetsev newsletter
planetsev newsletter Sept 2016

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