Do you know the difference between a judgment and an assessment?
These are assessments:
I don’t like that car.
She makes me uncomfortable.
I think competition is bad.
That dress is not for me.
I have no desire to live in the city.
I don’t want to go out with him.
I won’t eat meat.
I like sailboats better than motor boats.
These are judgments:
If I were you, I wouldn’t buy that car.
I don’t think it is good for you to play football.
I can’t believe you left the house in that dress.
That is the guy you want to go out with? I would never date him.
You shouldn’t eat meat.
You are wasting your money on gas by buying a motor boat.
We have to make assessments all day long in order to survive and determine what is good for us. We need to decide which house we like better and which neighborhood we like better and which girl we like better to date. These are not judgments. These determinations are what make each of unique and it is how we create our reality.
A judgement is when you put “I” in it. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you…..” My ex boss said that to me about my Soul Purpose Readings.
My response? “It is good you are not me.” And I quit and started my own practice full time.
What I really wanted to say was, “You are using your own fears to direct my life!”
A judgment is when you criticize someone for the choices they make in their life. People have different likes and dislikes and needs and desires than yours. Even if their choices lead to divorce or bankruptcy or prison they have their personal reasons for doing what they do.
Your fears are yours. This includes parents. Your fears are not your children’s fears. If you want to keep your child from developing into a happy adult, controlling them with your own fears is an effective way to do that.
We can be sad that someone is drinking too much or drugging too much, but it is their choice. Look at them and know they are hurting and if you were hurting as much as they are, you may be drinking even more.
We can be hurt when someone is mean to us, “I don’t like her. She is mean,” is not a judgment, it is an assessment. “Well, I would never say what she said to me,” is a judgment. If you were suffering the same way as she, you may say even meaner things.
Judging is the vibration of superiority, it is assuming your tastes and desires are better, and it is pushing your fears on another.
Judging is a way to control others.
If you judge others, you also judge yourself. Self-judgment limits you and impedes the fulfillment of your potentials. Judging yourself is controlling yourself based on the belief systems and fears of other people. If you look at others to determine your value, you are on an a path of frustration and unfulfilled potential.
“I shouldn’t have said that to him, ” is a self-judgment. Instead, “In that moment, that was right for me to say for my own personal reasons. I see the result and may not say that again.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” is a self-judgment. Instead, “In that moment, that was right for me to do for my own personal reasons. I see the result and don’t want to do that again.”
“I am ugly.” Says who? Someone else. We all have different tastes. You are not ugly no matter who People magazine determines is the best-looking human on Earth.
“I am not smart enough.” For what? Neuro-surgery? Well, maybe if you were interested in neuro-surgery you could do it, but you aren’t interested in it. That does not mean you aren’t smart. I means you aren’t interested enough to pursue it. You are not dumb if you don’t like science.
Releasing yourself from self-judgments will make it much easier to fulfill your desires and to find personal peace.
Feel free to express your opinions and your tastes, but know the consequences of imposing them on others.
I don’t like competition, but I don’t think Michael Phelps is less valuable than a Hindu Guru. I don’t like football, but I don’t think football fans are less valuable than yoga fans.
If you want to stop judging yourself, start with others. Stop judging others first and eventually you will rub off on yourself. Or stop judging yourself first and eventually you will stop judging others. Just pick a place to start.
I feel free to be me. I don’t want you to be me. I don’t expect you to like what I like or do what I do.
I hope you are free to be you, without imposing yourself on others. Life is really fun that way.